


We All Have Sorrow

by faithinthepoor



Series: Glee [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-16
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-25 16:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/640862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Ballad</p>
            </blockquote>





	We All Have Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows [I’m Not That Girl](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640810), [It Sucks to be Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640836) and [Kiss Me Goodbye](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640850)

The Fates are clearly against her. She is starting to wonder if they really were there after her birth, determining the course of her life and guaranteeing that no matter what decision she makes her life will be miserable. Sometimes she really wishes that one of the hags would use the shears, cut the thread, and end her suffering. She would beg for the thread to be cut if she actually believed in them but she has not forsaken God even if it appears that he has forsaken her.

She doesn’t understand God anymore. He’s not who she thought he was at all. There is no explanation as to why he would have let her life be good when she was shining but empty and then punish her once she abandoned her false principles. She was mean, she was spiteful, she was full of hate for herself and others and the only consequence of this was success and popularity. Well, that’s not entirely true, there were inner consequences – there was a small traitorous voice in her head telling her that she was better than this, more than the head Cheerios and the girlfriend of a football player. That voice wasn’t so loud that it kept her awake at night but she listened to it and now here she is trying to be a better person and all God has rewarded her with is ridicule and doubt. If she is being tested she is not sure that she is as strong as God wants her to be and she doesn’t know what to do if she fails him.

There are moments when it doesn’t seem so bad and where she foolishly starts to believe that things are getting better. Only the other day she was breathing a sigh of relief that they were released from their wheelchairs and she would no longer have to think about Rachel Berry, seated with a smooth expanse of skin exposed between her knee socks and her skirt, and how much she desperately wanted to straddle her and kiss her senseless. If she is completely honest she also spent an embarrassing amount of time feeling giddy after holding hands with Rachel in the locker room.

She also frequently makes the mistake of thinking that at least things can’t get any worse. The last time she thought that she found Rachel singing to Mr Schue. As if watching Schuester prancing around and singing Bust A Move to high school girls in a desperate attempt to capture his youth wasn’t bad enough she now has to watch him singing ballads to _her_ girl. Quinn is not entirely sure when she started thinking of Rachel as her girl but she definitely does and part of her is irate to watch Mr Schue singing Endless Love to the brunette and another part is irate that he seems to think that he is too good to sing to Rachel.

Somehow Rachel has gone for being a source of derision and scorn to the model of female perfection. She has no idea how this happened and suspects that Rachel may actually be a witch. There is no other reasonable explanation for why both Quinn and her boyfriend would simultaneously find themselves appreciating the firmness of Rachel’s behind. She had been starting to think that she was strangely connected to Rachel and that their combined powers were drawing the same boys to them but watching Rachel sing to Schue with puppy love in her eyes makes Quinn realise that they are still from very, very different worlds. In the world she lives in Rachel would fall for someone better than a high school teacher whose own wife is lying to him. Rachel should be with someone who wants to be with her, someone who sees beyond the irritating diva persona, someone like Quinn.

Her thoughts about Rachel Berry have had to take a back seat for a while. It’s hard to focus on an imaginary and unlikely future when her present is busy imploding. She could kill Finn. She wants to strangle him with her bare hands and if she thought her hands were big enough to get around his thick neck she would. That said his thick neck is the least of her problems at the moment. His thick head is much more of an issue. What on Earth possessed him to announce to her parents that she is with child is beyond her. Did he somehow think that crooning would absolve them of their sins and warm her parents’ hearts?

He clearly doesn’t listen to her; he’s probably too busy attempting to come up with alternate froms of precipitation to name their daughter. She has been very clear on the fact that her parents don’t have hearts. They have standards and check lists and expectations, none of which have anything to do with emotions. In a way she should be grateful to Finn, she no longer has to worry about her greatest fear being realised it has come to pass and it was worse than even she imagined. Her parents aren’t Finn, they will not be fooled by stories of immaculate conception and they can’t see her pregnancy as something beautiful. They will never see her as anything beautiful again. She is damaged goods. She nothing that they wanted Quinn Fabray to be. They will never understand that she didn’t want to be Quinn Fabray – she just wanted to be a girl. She’s a girl now, a girl with no parents and a girl with no support.

Her mother talked of her getting fat while sitting on a chair in the dark but her mother is wrong. If she is on stage she will be lit by a spotlight. She will show her flaws to the world and ask to be forgiven and loved in spite of them, maybe even because of them. The Fabrays are the ones in the dark. They are the ones with secrets and skeletons. She doesn’t want to be like them and yet even though she has cut her ties and ruined her life she still hides two major skeletons. If her father thinks he hates her now he knows nothing. He should hate her for the crimes that she has really committed. She has fucked a boy in an attempt to feel something and then fucked him again to try and control him and that’s not her even her biggest sin. He father has already disowned her so she can’t imagine what he would do if he ever found out about Rachel Berry and the increasingly erotic thoughts that Quinn has about her.

She can’t believe what has become of her life. She has bared her soul to the world and been found wanting and yet still has secrets threatening to destroy her. She is finding support and love from a boy who she is deceiving. She is being sheltered and accepted and yet she still feels trapped. There is something seriously wrong with her.  
Sometimes she thinks she is too toxic to live. These aren’t fleeing thoughts, they are intense and compelling. It’s strange but being a baby incubator, the very thing that has ruined her life, is the only thing keeping her alive.

The good moments need to be clung to and treasured. She has no idea why she finds that the Glee Club singing to her makes her feel warm and loved when she is busy hating Finn for doing exactly the same thing but she will take warm and loved wherever she can get it these days. She discovers herself jumping up and down in an area full of girl on girl action but her heart sinks a little to realise that Rachel is not one of those girls. Her eyes are drawn to ill advised lilac dress and she wishes that Rachel was closer so that she had an excuse to thrown her arms around the person who haunts her dreams. Her life might be in tatters but she is capable of dreams. There’s not all that much left to lose but she can’t lose her dreams because they are the only place that she can be with Rachel Berry.


End file.
